Tuesday, March 27, 2007

You never called me after church on sunday, and you took me off your friends list. I can see you're upset, but why this? Was it a moment of anger? To cause unnecessary drama? To get a rise out of me? The only logical thing for me to do would be to not respond, because then once again you being manipulative would give you what you want and you would continue that behavior. But then again, humans aren't logical, they're emotional, so here you go.
You see, I want to be your friend still. I do love you dearly whether you see it or not. But I don't understand how you think it's ok to insult me, and then expect me to... what? Pretend you didn't say hurtful things like I have been up until recently? Not just about mardi gras. That was just the tip of the iceburg. It's every time I talk to you, and it has been that way for a while. You dont have any thread of consideration for some of the things you say to me. Things that I would never - no matter how mad I am - say to you. I can give some examples. You once texted me while I was in church and after telling you where I was you said "Oh. I thought you had given up on that." You can say now that you were joking, but I know you better. You said it because you were bitter. It was mean, and that is just a small example of what I deal with the majority of the time I talk to you. I can give more examples. The gossip. How dare you tell me your mom says I'm unhappy because I've "changed"? I have changed, I'm not going to deny that. I've only changed for the better. Happy people change! Wow what a surprise! I'm not letting you use me as a doormat as much as I did before! I must be unhappy! How about this one? "it would have been you if you didn't have a curfew"? Referring to my relationship with Josh. What makes it worse is you didn't like him, you just wanted him to like you more than me. A little bit hurtful, don't you think? You try to guilt trip me every time I do talk to you. How is not answering my phone flakey? I didn't have plans with you that day. flakey would have been if we had plans, and I didn't answer my phone. I didn't answer my phone because I didn't have time to talk to you at those times you called, and I didn't want to have a small casual conversation because that would lead you to thinking its okay to call me things like white trash because I'll let you. I guess what it boils down to is a matter of respect. You wouldn't say or do things like this if you had any respect for me.
I pulled away because a majority of the time we talked/hung out/whatever you somehow ended up making me feel like crap. I hate to admit you had so much control over my emotions, but you did.
I became distant because you were making me unhappy. It's as simple as that. I miss the Claire I knew and loved, but I rarely see her anymore. I know now that I should have dealt with these things differently, but its too late to change that.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

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I do not enjoy having sex. I find most white/Asian girls to be very ugly. I'm not attracted at all to black women. I think Spanish women are too manly. Arab girls to stumpy and just no. I find all girls that i judge strictly on a physical basis to be very flawed.I'm only attracted to personality, but unfortunately for you and most girls like you. You rely on the physical. That's all that matters to shallow, insecure, needy, slow, selfish, bigoted, incoherent, indiscriminate, clinging, inward hags, oblivious, obnoxious, simple-minded, dependent, lost, depressed, immoral, lust full, undecided, fast, beggars, dim-witted, weak, sluts like yourself?Give me a strong women, one that has a brain and is whole, leave the numbskulls to there fate!