I'm unfair.

He's stressed. That doesn't mean he doesn't love or care about me. I'm afraid he gets off to pornography more than he tries to be with me. That would be a problem, but I'm not sure if I'm just being paranoid because he never seems to want to be affectionate.

And he has been, he's obviously been trying to be more loving. Which is amazing considering how tired and stressed he's been lately. I appreciate it more than I show I do, I know he loves me. But is he still in love with me? I'm not so sure. I hate being emotionally vulnerable. Having my feelings so dependent on him is an awful feeling also. I feel like I'm taking a step I shouldn't be, because he isn't attracted to me right now anyway.

Should I wait around and see if that's how its going to be when this training is over? I hate to be condemned to a life without affection.

group hug

533653394 - stop looking for happiness, it's right next to you.
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wish I hadn't messed up the many friendships I once had. And I wish pain wasn't such a casual companion to love, and that love really was blind instead of dumb. And I wish I never hurt him just because he hurt me.

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I love him. He is the cause and solution...to all my problems in life.
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When I’m done with you, you’ll be fragile, naked, vulnerable, and alone. And probably crying. Oh it will be a great night.
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Chelsea Smile: A torturing term used all around the world but originating in Chelsea. The victim’s hands are tied or held and the sides of there mouth are cut slightly breaking the strong lip structure. The victim is then kicked very hard in the nuts or in the case of a woman a leg is broken and as the victim screams the cuts rip creating the Chelsea Smile.
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This forum is like liquid gay on crack.
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i feel like the only reason she's still with him is because they've fucked and she feels useless for anyone else. So whenever I hear her say "I love you" to him I want to scream and punch her / him / both in the face, because I feel like it cheapens the genuine, pure feelings I had for her unappreciative, inconsiderate ass of a friend. It makes me feel like maybe I shouldn't try to be nice or caring or sincere because apparently premarital fucking is what really matters to a girl.
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my belief is the drinking problem is a manifestation of your unresolved pain.
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For the first time in my life, I think I am truly in love. But for some strange reason, I can't say it. I think the words have been tainted by all the meaningless "I love you"'s that have been thrown around.

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sometimes my emotions for her well up in side me and i feel like i am choking. it makes me sad that i will never know if we were right for each other or not.
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i now understand why if your love isn't returned it just can't work. i don't know whether to end it now or wait until it all blows up. i feel guilty for letting it continue. i hardly even want to have sex with her. i only see her because she sounds good on paper.
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no way to back out and say "i'm sorry it just isn't what i think love should be.

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I love her.Deeply, profoundly, intensely. Truly. She's my light and my being.
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i feel a strong hate for those around me, because they do nothing but complain about how bad they have it, when they have money, happiness, love.. it drives me fucking nuts.

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1)i love her.2)she makes me want to die.
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what am i, if i can't be his?

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i want to feel something when some one touches me. I want tears to well up in my eyes when their lips brush against mine. When a hand is placed on my bare stomach i want it to sink completely through me. I want to be ripped open as if i was a buttoned shirt so we can both see what i look like inside. My eyes are dry and my skin is cold, and although i know i am alive, i yearn for a stinging heat to sit in the middle of my chest and torture me. I would give anything to cry, to sob and gasp violently on my lovers chest, and then close my swollen eyes and fall deeply asleep listening to the murmurs underneath his skin. That will be the day i fall in love.
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and to this day I still love this divine perverse girl, despite having been broken up with her for many years now.

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i may not love my boyfriend. i may just be severely emotionally needy and incapable of actually giving love.

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.i am scared of giving away part of me to someone i could lose. it isnt fair on him.
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This made me much more cynical, much less naive...
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It messed up many things but in the end brought me to the person I love. Sometimes bad comes out of good.

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Even though i always shout at my dad and argue with him and sometimes detest him more than anything in the world...I love him so much more than he realises and couldnt live without him and it makes me want to cry.

Duele Tanto

My heart is worn out. I wish this didn't have to be so difficult.

And yet it's surprisingly easy.

I am in love. Head over heels in love. I want to accost him with a seething, unbridled passion. Or debauch him in a cheap motel. I know, thats more along the lines of lust than love. It still boggles my mind that he, or anyone else, could be in love with me. He knows more about me than anyone, save Candice who is not living so it doesn't count. He still loves me. I feel so vulnerable. He's everything I've ever asked for and even comes with all the optional accessories that I want but don't need. I've given up a lot for him that I shouldn't have. He's my "forever" in what seems like an endless sea of "now." But theres one thing I don't think I could live with. The spite.
He seems to do things in spite of me when he's mad. I bring Claire over, he drinks. I hang out with boys that outnumber girls, he says he's going to do the same thing and I can't get mad. But I can get mad, because I left. Right? That doesn't feel like love.
He says he won't drink when we're married, but how do I know that? What's going to stop him then? If he does I will leave him, I solemnly swear I will.

"In a world where the cheapest politicians control the lot of billions, where life has no consequence or value except as cannon fodder, where only falsehood, corruption or indecency hold the upper hand so inevitably that we accept them and even cast votes for their practitioners... In such a world, how can two people dare to be in love?"
-Brooke McEldowney